Apparently cute + comfortable + flats + budget are not terms that describe shoes. Good thing I still have a few more places to check tomorrow! Today’s shopping was still successful though. Due to some weight issues I alluded to in my Numbers post (and will elaborate on further later in this post) I needed a few more closet staples that could get me through this transitory time with my body while still being able to look professional. I found two classic skirts (1 black, 1 “peru brown”), and two nice shirts for a grand total of $30. I surprised myself!
Dinner was very easy – “taco salad” (Ross thinks it’s a fake taco salad because there’s no chips on the bottom/ tortilla bowl lol). It was simply a bed of romaine, salsa, 1/4 avocado, a serving of fat free refried beans, and a few blue corn tortilla chips crumbled on top.
I love how the beans and salsa and avocado get all smooshy and tasty over everything. Oh yes, smooshy is a real culinary adjective. 
Now I wanted to elaborate a bit more on my Numbers post. I was so hesitant and so scared to put that post out there. I wasn’t intentionally hiding my weight gain from the blog, but I never made an open announcement “HEY I’VE GAINED WEIGHT”. I felt so hypocritical. How could someone who puts all her meals out there on the Internet, someone interested in pursuing a career in nutrition, someone who does enjoy exercising and working out, and someone who’s a vegan be overweight? Be gaining weight? If I told my “healthy lifestyle blog” readers that I was gaining weight, no one would read! Of course I’d look like a hypocrite! I’ve tried so many things. I’ve tried exercising more, doubling daily cardio sessions, omitting sweets, forgoing snacks, making sure I’m not letting my vegan diet focus on carbs. There are times I get so frustrated because I feel like the only way I could lose weight is by trying to do so in an unhealthy way – “celery and water” diets, going way under “normal” calorie requirements per day, etc. But I just can’t bring myself to do that. I KNOW that habit wise, I am healthy right now. I am eating a healthy diet, I exericse, I feel healthy, I feel strong, I feel myself getting stronger all the time.
The reason I wanted to elaborate more is because I just wanted to make sure you guys know that I am not hiding things from you. I am not eating more than I thought. I’ve been trying so hard to stay in a “healthy place” with all of this (not jumping on the scale throughout the day, not calorie counting, just keeping things balanced). I have bought a little notebook that I’m keeping in my purse where I write down everything: energy levels, amount of water I drink, what and when I eat, what and when I do workouts, etc. This is more for a record that I can bring to a doctor when I find one here. If today is any indication, I am definitely not over eating and should be losing.
Honestly? I’m freaked out. I’m freaked about putting this out there for the whole world to see. I’m afraid some of you are just going to keep suggesting “maybe you’re under estimating your calories” or “maybe you should drink more water”. I’m dreading going to a doctor, with fears that they’ll brush me off as a neurotic new patient and just tell me “calories in needs to be less than calories out”. I’m worried that if a doctor does take me seriously that they will then just send me off for rounds and rounds of tests that will deplete my bank account. I’m freaked that I may never get to my “happy weight” again.
Also – lol we’re not just talking about me being overdramatic here, and that it’s just a few lbs on the scale/ maybe a little muscle weight. It is so bad that I had to go purchase a few new work wardrobe staples because I can’t fit in anything else, and now that I’m employed I can’t get away with wearing PJs or gym clothes all day. We’re talking I look completely different than I did this time last year, even just a couple months ago. We’re talking a look of permanent bloatedness and puffiness around my eyes. We’re talking I’ve taken numerous pregnancy tests despite knowing I’m not pregnant because sometimes it seems like there’s no other logical explanation for the gain. We’re talking I’ve finally realized maybe I should see a doctor.
Anyway, all that to say, here is me being open and honest with you. No more black cloud/ secret in SE (Sound Eats) land. I’m not sharing this to garner sympathy and advice, I just want to be open with you all.
*****
Another way I’m being honest? The Good Mood Gig contest. I know you all have to be tired of seeing “Vote for Me!” – I’m freaking tired of putting it in every post. Earlier today I seriously contemplated throwing in the towel. I’m far from getting into the Top 20. The only way I’d make it in is if I got 1,000 votes everyday – and I just don’t see that happening. However, some twitter friends encouraged me not to give up, and they are right. I should not give up! So please – through Friday, just keep voting away!
- vote daily!
- vote per computer/ per browser (i.e. Firefox, Internet Explorer, Google Chrome)/ per wifi/ per phone, etc.
- invite others to vote!
- know that you are AWESOME for putting up with me and voting! I seriously love each and every one of you who have taken the time to vote.
- Keep voting for these girls too (Meghann and Sarah are in the top 20, but the rest of us could definitely use a lot of help in getting there!)
- Meghann (www.graduatemeghann.com)
- Sarah (www.muchfruit.wordpress.com)
- Ashley (www.dailygoods.wordpress.com)
- Monica (www.runeatrepeat.com)
On that note, I’m heading out for a relaxing evening and to pray this open post isn’t seen as silly or overdramatic. Good night friends!
Voted! I was on medication once that made me gain a lot of weight and it was sooo hard even though I knew my diet wasn’t the cause. Hopefully a doctor can help you figure out the problem soon!!
Oh sweet Lindsey, I am so proud of you for sharing your most honest feelings on this. But at the same time, I am so saddened that you are feeling distraught over this. I can’t begin to tell you how beautiful I think you are, and I know that you won’t beleive me when I say that any ounce of weight gain is NOTHING on such a stunning girl. But, I do understand how discouraging this must be for you at the same time. When you are trying so hard and the results are just not showing. I read somewhere that when people being a new diet, such as vegetarianism, they often gain weight even though they are likely reducing fat/calories because of the inital lack of protein. It takes awhile for the body to readjust.
I will be praying that everything is okay, but I think you have the right idea of finding peace of mind by going to the doctor.
Love you girl!
Oh Linds…I’m so proud of you for posting about this, because I think honesty is the best thing for the blog. And no, you’re not a hypocrite, you’re being you and being honest. It’s not a bad thing. I know I have felt like that sometimes when I post about my struggle eating and recovering from an eating disorder, but all you will garner is support and kind words from the blogging community!
I hope that you’re able to go to the doctor and can figure something out that helps you settle your mind…I only want the best for you! And please don’t hesitate to call/write to me; you have been such a great friend to me the past month with my struggles that of course I would love to be there for you.
Being real is hard; I applaud your honesty. I haven’t been reading your blog for very long, but when you previously alluded to some weight gain, not once did I think you were being dishonest when documenting your food intake.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with unexplained weight gain; it’s terribly frustrating, I know. Weight gain/loss/maintenance is such a personal issue and no matter how often we tell ourselves it doesn’t matter–it does. Not to others, but to ourselves.
I hope you find some answers, quickly. Perhaps the doctor will test your thyroid. An underactive thyroid is a common contributing factor to unexplained weight gain. Keeping a notebook/log of your exercise and food/water intake is an excellent idea and will serve as great documentation to show your doctor.
Good luck to you. I hope you have a restful and relaxing evening.
Thank you for sharing this and for your honesty. It has to be something medical, probably your thyroid? Maybe you should see an edocrinologist so he can check all your hormone levels. Good luck.
I think you should go get your thyroid checked… i had very similar symptoms about 2 years ago, and was finally diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I feel so much better now that it is being treated!
You are not alone. Like Julie at savvyeats said, it could be thyroid or something else. I’ve faced the same problem since moving two years ago, no matter what I do the weight just keeps creeping up and I’m eating well within a maintainance range – gain to date 14 pounds. I had my thyroid levels checked and they were normal so I still feel exactly like you do. Part of it could just be getting a bit older, but I think it’s great that you’re going to get it checked out. If nothing pans out at the Dr. I hear a good nutritionist can be a miracle worker – I’m looking for one. Good luck and thanks so much for sharing with us.
I think it’s awesome that you are being so open about everything. Just so you know, I don’t think you’re a hypocrite and I won’t stop reading. I hope you get everything figured out. And I’ve been voting for you every day!
I could never stop reading your blog, dear Lindsey – I’m here for you!
Hang in there! I don’t even know you, and I’m frustrated for you!!
Luckily, there are a ton of good doctors in Gainesville- and with your record keeping you’re a dream patient! Even with insurance, it’s expensive, but so potentially worth it. Sending good vibes your way!
The blog world is an amazing place. And people like you make it that way.
It is so great to read a blog with somebody who is so real. You can lay it all out on the line, knowing that there are people (really rude people who have no right, really, to be reading your wonderful blog) who may judge you.
Your true readers will never do that. We will be here to support you 100%. My heart hurts for you that you are struggling and having such a hard time. As a person who has struggled with weight issues, I know how hard it can be to deal with mentally, physically and emotionally. Especially in the society we live in. But I want to encourage you to not give up. Lean on the blog world, your family, your friends and medical advise. You will get through this. And will be so much stronger on the flip side!
xoxoxo
You are awesome and it’s wonderful that you are being honest with how you feel. Just know that you are supported by all of your readers. I’ve been going to a doctor for years for my PCOS, thyroid issues and now possibly type 2 diabetes. Weight issues suck. (I’ve been trying to lose 20 pounds for waaay too long!) Especially when you know you’ve been doing the right thing. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here! And I’ll always read your blog
Hang in there! You are a beautiful woman no matter what!
I just voted again
I love how open you are being. You will get through this, I know it’s tough. I have hypothyroidism and while I never use it as an excuse, it is VERY difficult for me to lose weight. Maybe something is just going on with your hormones? I understand not wanting to go get tests. It took a while to diagnose mine.
I’m off to vote. Have a lovely evening.
Just voted! I want to say thanks for being so open and honest on here. You rock girl. Keeping doing what you are doing…being awesome.
I heart you
Numbers are just that, numbers! I’ve been there SO many times, and im’ there now. I’m working on being happy with “me” as opposed to the “me” i have lurking in the back of my head
I don’t think you’re being silly or overdramatic at all! If anything, it makes me like your bog even more that you’re being open, honest, and real. I agree with the comment about hypothyroidism, though– you may want to get your numbers checked just in case. I was diagnosed three years ago and my numbers are normal, my appetite and sleep habits have evened out, and I’m so glad to have it under control!
Three cheers for honesty. I can’t really offer you much advice about the weight gain, but I’m sending tons of good thoughts and positivity your way! Also, I want to just say, “go to the doctor,” but then I’d be a big hypocrite because I’m the queen of putting off doctor visits when something weird is going on. Anyway, I’m sending all sorts of happy thoughts your way and will keep on votin’ for you!
Hi! I’m sorry you’re going through this hard time right now and I don’t have any good advice. I’m sure you’re doing everything right and I think you’re recording of everything is a really good idea. The one thing I can tell you is that for a general family doctor in Gainesville I highly recommend Dr. Brodsky (I think his first name is Hal). I went to him for over a decade and my family still goes to him. He is caring and he listens. I’m sure that if he can’t help you he will give you a fantastic referral. Good luck.
Thank you for being honest and not afraid. The whole point of blogging is sharing your life – the good and the bad. I would love to help but unfortunately I don’t know what is going on with your body. Female bodies are so complicated. I went to a nutritionist to get some help on losing weight and the first thing she did was have me take a food sensitivity test. She says that if you are sensitive to food then you will swell up and retain water making it impossible to lose weight. I haven’t received the results yet but I am interested in what they find. My insurance wouldn’t cover it but the company has a payment plan so I can break it into 3 months.
Overall what I want to say is – listen to your body and do what is right for it!
Everyone loves honesty and most of all we all love you!!
I’ll be praying that you can get it all figured out, I can imagine it would be a very discouraging thing. But remember … this too shall pass, I believe it! 
Hey girl! Old Navy actually has some really cute flats right now!Love taco salads (WITHOUT the big taco shell
)
Posts like these make me feel normal — so you’re brave to share, but it means so much.
I lost a bunch of weight two years ago, then started getting in shape. Since starting to work out, I’ve done some amazing things — triathlons, 5Ks, about to do a half marathon — but I’ve gained about 10 pounds that I just can’t get off.
Hang in there and know that your honesty is making a difference to at least one blogger!
I’m sorry dear :-/ Weight can be a big issue because it’s ALWAYS there- when we get dressed, when we move, when we exercise. Hopefully you can figure something out soon. Until then, remember to be proud of all the great things that body can do and how awesome everything is that you put into it! There’s a lot more to a body than weight, even if weight is super-important!
<3
[...] Open [...]
Good for you for being honest. I know sometimes it’s not that easy.
I think going to the doctor is a good idea.. I hate going to the doctor but I’ve recently started getting things checked out because as they say… better safe than sorry.
Good luck Lindsey, we’ll be here to read and support you!
You are NOT a hypocrite at all. You do lead a healthy lifestyle and I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this. I hope you find some answers. You a beautiful, young woman regardless of your weight. Thank you for being so honest on your blog. You’ve always got my full support in anything you do – if you need to rant or whatever, don’t hesitate to contact me!
Aw Linds, lot of hugs to you for being so open! We are all friends here and it’s so nice to see such a huge positive response
Good luck and we are here for ya, xoxoxo
Oh my sunshine
I think what I love the most about you is your honesty and openness. You wear your heart on your sleeve and it comes across in your generous writing style and your giving attitude. You have no idea how many hearts you touch on a daily basis.
You will figure this out. I promise. Who knows, you could be dealing with a thyroid issue or something…likely that is the case because of all the “fixing” you’ve been trying to do yourself. Get that dr appt scheduled and let him/her check you out. I know it’s frustrating, but DOING something about it and being AWARE are half the battle right there! Love you girl!!
[...] (By the way, you can find the whole article right here: Open) [...]
[...] to say, I have yet to find a new doctor. Several of you have asked what has happened since my Open post where I discussed the weight gain that occurred for seemingly no reason. The truth? Nothing [...]
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with your weight, but I would recommend that you get tested for hypothyroidism, because while I am still very thin… I was diagnosed because my blood levels showed this was happening!! I also was gaining weight when I was eating a VERY restricted diet!! Good Luck with your search for a good doctor!!
[...] that Open post? Well, after a long wait I finally went to a doctor today. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll [...]